Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What's your number?

This question seems to be a constant asked in the parenting world, like once you take the leap of one child how many more do you dare to have?

People women always say they "know" when they are done, I was one of those but due to recent changes I've began to wonder about it and this subject of "knowing".

My first child was not what they call a planned baby, but met with absolute joy and love. We ummed and ahhed and discussed number two, agreed, didn't agree...but always said two kids would be great for our family.

Bambino number 2 arrived this  last year, wow already, and I spent the whole pregnancy accepting and being comfortable with that I was done and we were complete. I was iffy during the pregancy but when he arrived felt like okay cool we're good, family of 4 sounds right, two kids, two hands, we're good.


My husband has recently been contemplating a 3rd and heaven forbid a 4th for our family. He's decided he wants a crew...okay he said 5 kids and I told him no way in a hot place was that happening.

But since he's been talking about it, I've kind of become wow I think 3, maybe even 4 kids would be really fun! Not right now, mr. no sleep has to get his butt in order first, but maybe in another year, a bigger family could be great. I think my title as Mummy is one I own well, I'm nowhere near the perfect parent but I really love staying home with my kids and just being Mummy.

But wait, I was done, I felt that huh I feel good with two kids and our family is done no need for more kids, factory closed feeling.

Making me question this whole "oh no my family is done" concept. I mean are we really ever done? As a friend recently said, I've never heard of anyone say they regret having another child. So is our heart ever done? Obviously sensibility comes into play, finances make a difference, size of the home, patience level, health capabilities, etc but are those what tell us we're done as opposed to our heart? Do we just convince ourselves our heart is done to avoid that tug? Or does it really go away?

Did I just convince myself we were done because in reality we had agreed we were? So I was making my heart be okay with the decision instead of listening to it?

I wonder if those who say they are done and happy would be sad to have another child today...

So I'm curious if those who are done for whatever reason feel like it's a heart choice or a mind choice or a combination of both? I guess I'll revisit this post in a few years and see if my thoughts have changed!


  1. So I ALWAYS thought I wanted 2 kids... This was when I was young and thought I knew what I'd want in 5, 10, 15 years down the road. Got married, wanted to start our family and my hubby and I agreed that 2 was our magic number. Along came Tori and I knew I wouldn't be happy with just one, especially since I was an only child, and starting thinking that 3 was more my number, though hubby disagreed. Then Ben came along and he made the decision for us - or I should say, my body did. You know he's a preemie and it was because of a kidney condition I have that mimics pre-eclampsia so my doctors, both my OB and my nephrologist strongly recommended that I should be "done" and it broke my heart. But they said the magic words that make hubby know for sure... the next baby could come 3-4 weeks EARLIER than Ben did (34 weeks) and that it would be dangerous for me. So our decision was made for us, we didn't want to chance my life or the life of a new baby because we weren't "satisfied" with the two wonderful kids we have... but in my heart, I'd still like another if I knew it would all work out. Now financially- that's another story!!
    I was told by someone who has 4 kids that she really believed that you would never feel done, that you just need to decide when it would be best for you to stop.

    Sorry, that was a book... but I really think that you'll never "know" unless you can't - and even then you still don't know.

  2. Well, you decided on 2 when you were in a different situation. I think you just know. It sounds like you're both considering #3, but you're being very logical about it, you're talking, discussing timing, etc. I think you're on the right track. Good luck! You are a wonderful mother.

  3. We leave this topic up to God, so I'm no help as far as telling you what our number is. But I think that when He has a plan for you and your family, it is revealed, and maybe that's what's going on with you guys. It sounds more like you were accepting that you were done, not feeling like you were done. In MY perfect world, we'd be done at 4. But, I'm pretty sure, that since I'm right smack in the middle of my child bearing years, that that's not going to be the case. Unless I can somehow convince God of that. lol!

  4. Two is our biological number for sure. I feel ZERO, I mean not one little tiny bit, feelings of wanting more. I really have to ask myself that because of our fertility problems and having one last little embryo waiting, but I really don't want to do it again. We were previously foster parents and I think we might be again, but no thanks on the pregnancy and newborn stuff. My mom did regret having more kids which also affects my decision. She loves us all of course, but she could imagine what it would have been like to have only two and she has told me about it before. Having had a house full of teenagers before as a foster mom, that was a huge deterrant in me wanting a large family because those years are just so hard and they were hard on my parents as well.

    I think if you are both feeling it and can manage it, do it! Everyone is different.

  5. I think I will always have to tell myself I may have one more....otherwise I feel bad for my 'baby'......I would sob with every milestone, outgrown outfit, etc. I'd like another but, if it didn't happen, feel completely content and blessed with my 2:)

  6. I've always wanted 4. Lately I've even liked the thought of 5. Adam wants 2. So I recommended compromising at 3. He said, nevermind, I want 0 so we'll compromise at 2. Brat. Now he's at the "let's take it one at a time" stage. I'm sure once I start having them my feelings will change with each one. Love this post though.