Thursday, October 14, 2010

Just be who you are...

Sigh, I write this in frustration tonight...over the last few weeks on facebook I have seen numerous articles and websites posted or discussed about "Mummy stuff". How we parent, how we're looked at as mum's and what defines us as a parent, how others view us as a parent, etc, etc, etc.
I've seen the "cloth diaper, selectively vaxing, baby wearing, co-sleeping" slogans, the "formula fed" onesies from Old Navy...which I have found a few articles on but have not actualy been able to find on their site.

Breastfeeding is great, wait how long are you doing it for? you wear your baby? you don't own a bumbo/jumper/swing? you feed your child solids before 6 months of age? you cloth diaper? you let them CIO? you swaddle them? you, you, you...

I could write a book on the types of questions and the number of times its asked, followed with the responses we get...I'm sure we all could as parents, as mothers.

There is a youtube video out there called mompetitors or something it's 5 mins of crap talking between two mothers, it annoys me too much. I couldn't even finish watching it. I mean really?
Are we that out to get each other? Both are wrong the holier than though attitude is a two way street. I fall into both categories discussed with both kids both at different times....though it kinda icks me out to say categories cause really my kid might be eating an organic homemade chicken nugget while wearing a shirt from walmart, nursing her vaccine spot and talking to me about why she was naughty and hugging me. I mean if we look at it that way my kids are screwed...anyone know a good therapist might as well sign them up now.

In all seriousness; Why do we as parents call each other out? Who decided their parenting way was better than the next person and then decided it was okay to put others down? It makes me sad and mad all at the same time that instead of encouraging and supporting others as we take on this challenge of parenting we find ways to put others down to simply make ourselves feel better about the decisions we've made. There is no guide book. Babies don't pop out via vagina or c-section or however the heck the doctor gets them out while keeping both mother and baby alive with a how to guide. There isn't someone who knows it all. There never will be. No parent has been there done that, until we can clone ourselves, our lives and our kids not one other person in this life is like another.
Parenting is HARD! If you think it's easy you clearly have never had a 3 year old...because mine is giving my 27 year old head grey hair and smile lines all at the same time.
So how can we ask people to fit into a cookie cutter mode? I sure can't.

I mean crap I formula fed one kid and am breastfeeding the next I love one more than the other?  I homemade all of one's baby food, the next one might get store I love more than the other? my daughter wasn't cloth diapered until 7 months, my son we started at 3 weeks. I was a working mum with my daughter and I'm staying home with my son (well and my daughter but she had to wait until 3 to get me home with her). Again we're clearly going to need therapy here people!

Which brings me to another point that totally grosses me out, the working mother/stay at home mother debate...sigh this lady I would like to personally punch in the face (no that's not a threat it's just a figure of speech)
Really? I have no words for this...well scratch that I have a lot of words mostly fueled but disgust that people not only think this but say it. I did the working mother gig, it was not for me! Everyone said it would get didn't ever. I suffered anxiety for 2 years and 8 months. I HATED every.single moment of working as a mother, I lied to myself and to my friends and even more to my company that I enjoyed working and being away from my kid...lied. It wasn't for me. This stay at home mother thing is, I'm happy, content, stress free, anxiety free, I truly wake up bursting with happiness (eww wheres the barf bag when you need one eh?) each morning. BUT not everyone is like me, see above if your confused, some mothers love to work, need to work, feel happy working. So am I an anti-feminist because I chose the so-called 'old fashioned' role of staying home and taking care of my kids? Was I feminist in the first place who had a lighting strike change of mind?

It's just dumb really.

Admittedly I've fallen victim to this practice, debated the ins and outs of why one way is probably better than the other. But at the end of the day I've come to realize that it's NOT what defines me. My children are my life, don't get me wrong but the way I parent them is not what defines me as a person. I make choices daily on what to do or say to my kids. What they will and won't be allowed to have, eat, see, do, etc, etc, etc. I hold onto the hope that *I* am making the best decisions for *my* kids. I'm putting a little faith in dr.s and research and a lot of my own gut feelings.

I want what's best for them, just like every other parent out there...and yeah I say every other cause jeez have you watched the news? lets me honest there are some crazy people given the title of parent out there...

Just be who you are, make your own rules, love your kids...and give a big fat middle finger to those that question what your doing, I sure do!

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